I left work an hour and a half later than I was scheduled today, but I didn’t mind. It actually ended up being an okay thing because when I revved up my Lexus, the radio station (B96 – We Are Hip-Hop) played a song I hadn’t heard before – “Day Dreaming” by DJ Drama featuring Akon, Snoop Dogg, and T.I.

The track grabbed my attention from its first lyric:

Shirley Temple on ice

Pardonnez-moi, s'il vous plaît, I believe I may have misheard you, Monsieur Akon. Surely that frosty beverage was the oft-celebrated top-shelf champagne Cristal, or the urban-iconic cognac Hennessy, or Fergie Ferg’s beloved Grey Goose vodka, perhaps even a good-spirited reference to co-collaborator Snoop’s 1995 gin and juice homage. Ready to Tanqueray?

She makes it just right.
That extra grenadine got me feelin’ so nice.

Oh, you’re fucking serious?

I waited for the inevitable label-drop or even mention of nondescript rum or whiskey or whatever additive was sure to become the backbone of the next big gotta-order-it cocktail sensation, any excuse to “blame it on the a-aa-a-aa-alcohol” like Jamie Foxx and, you know, everyone in hip-hop.

It didn’t come.

But the chorus did.

( Clicking on this link will reveal considerable rumination on the evolution of hip-hop music, gender relations in the hip-hop community, the emotional and psychosocial interpretation of hip-hop culture by white suburbia, and, you know, stuff that's like that. )

I got an idea for a video series that I think is pretty stupid and will be completely entertaining for me. It's called iPod Wars, and what I do is sing each song on my iPod until it kicks it my ass. In some cases (Celine Dion) this will be easy, and in others (Britney Spears) the song will go on until the end.

What do you think?

Poll #1245800 iPod Wars
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 4

Should I do iPod Wars?

Will you watch iPod Wars?

First item on the docket: I got my Lexus today! It's lovely - SUV (RX model), champagne exterior, tan leather interior, wood grain trim. I want to lick it. And I can if I want to. My mom loves it, my brother is jealous, and my dad is so happy for me. He says I've worked really hard for this. I'm very pleased. If I can find the time/camera, I will take some pictures tomorrow. Not that you care, but I sure as hell do. :D

Second item: Rick Ross. For those of you not in the know, Rick Ross is a popular hiphop artist whose single "The Boss" has been all over our rap and R&B station B96. I'm betting it's been all over your local hiphop station, too. There were some rumors that Ross used to be a correctional officer, and recently, his social security number linked up to a 2-year gig as a CO at a Florida prison. This is a big deal because, according to what I've heard, his lyrics allude to a former life as a drug dealer. Fraud. The story goes that the real Rick Ross was/is a prisoner at that Florida facility (drug dealing charges), and the rapper Rick Ross took on that identity to sell records. This isn't to say that Ross isn't a good rapper; what's at issue is the implication. In fabricating a drug-dealing persona for the sake of street cred, Ross perpetuates the myth that in order to represent the streets and/or be successful in hiphop, a drug-dealing past is necessary. This is bullshit. Frankly, I think it's offensive to the lower-class black population because it insinuates that life in the 'hood invariably includes drug-dealing. I'm not saying that slinging doens't go on (because it obviously does) or that a number of people choose this lifestyle as a means of survival, but there are others who have "regular" jobs along with their street cred and ghetto passes. It's offensive because Ross, in choosing to pretend he has this past, glamorizes drug-dealing and negates the reality that slinging is a last resort and not something that a person would necessarily gladly choose to do.

On the other hand, I can empathize with Ross' desire to steal a story/borrow from others/fake a personality in the name of a career in entertainment. I've certainly done the same at times, albeit to what I'd like to believe is a lesser extent. The truth is that entertainment, while relying on the entertainer's talent, demands a personality with a compelling story. The industry is far too competitive for "average folk" to succeed. This statement, of course, is setting aside the rare exceptions. In most cases, the entertainer (speaking on the grand level of fame and celebrity status) is required to work just as much, if not more, on the package as on the product. It stands to argue that the entertainer is, in fact, the product, and the works created are merely the financial avenues to provide for the ice and implants and intrusive reality shows and industry parties where the paparazzi-covered brawls and nipple-slips and DWIs take place (which is what, these days, entertainment seems to be all about).

So do I point the finger of shame at Ross? No. But I do think that now that he's been found out, he's got to be held responsible for his actions. Long story short, this guy's career is pretty much over.

Third and final item: Strip clubs want to declare nude dancing as "art" in order to keep their doors open. I caught only a moment of this on Headline News (while it was on mute), so I don't know the full story, but a coworker said that this is going on in Iowa. Forgive me for not giving a fuck enough to do some research. Now, I'm about as annoying as Diablo Cody when I constantly reiterate that I used to be a stripper, but I used to be a stripper, and, as I told my coworker, dancing isn't an art - it's sales. Interpretive nude dancing at a theater? Okay, art. Strip club dancing? It's entertainment, sure, but I can tell you for a fact that when I was up on stage or in the VIP or champagne rooms, I wasn't thinking "Wow, this is so artsy." I was thinking, "Okay, show me the green, mother fuckers." And I can say with near-foolproof certainty that my clients weren't thinking about artistry; they were thinking about my ass. Sure, I did work on a bit of choreography, and I did time my position at the windmachine to coincide with choruses, but did I delude myself into thinking that I was doing something more than getting naked for cash? Okay, sometimes I did, but I was a drunk. Is stripping art? Not so much. I also don't think the folks at Subway are artists.

I imagine there are gorgeous women working the millionaires' clubs whose skill could be categorized as art, but if we are talking about strip clubs in Iowa, then I'm guessing the caliber is a bit off. Minneapolis/St Paul people, just compare Augie's to Seville, and you'll see what I mean, and even that night-and-day difference doesn't fully illustrate the picture I'm attempting to paint.

My point? Trying to keep a strip club open by declaring the going-ons "art" is crap. It ain't art. I know this, you know this, and Candy with her exquisite lucite heels knows this. I'm just keeping it real. We're talking about a business with commission saleswomen whose job it is to prey on perversion/fantasy of man. There's art in the game, but not the kind that you hang on your walls. You know what I'm saying?